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Excerpt: The British Solution to Save Petrol Brown wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use…… The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants! That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down….. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Channel…. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq ….. Tell him if he wants to…

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Excerpt: My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.” And that’s when the fight started…. __________________________________________________________________________________ I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a…

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Excerpt: In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) – ‘Do not turn upside down.’ (well…duh, a bit late, huh!) On Sainsbury’s peanuts – ‘Warning: contains nuts.’ (talk about a news flash) On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine – ‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’ (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – ‘Product will be hot…

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Excerpt: I’m fast approaching thirty-one, 35 days to be exact, and on the back of Chris’ amazing Birthday party this time last week, thought I’d give my views on reaching 30…and you know you can relate to them!! 1. You leave clubs before the end to ‘beat the rush’. (worst still you don’t go to the clubs). 2. You get more excited about having a roast on Sunday than going clubbing the night before. 3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer player and start dreaming of having a son who might instead. 4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property…

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Excerpt: After years of all my hard work, someone has finally decided to name a bottled beer after me, ‘Chalky’s Bite’…….well Rick Stein’s dog Chalky anyway, so it’s as good as. Whilst surfing through the online papers, and I wasn’t looking for beer/alcohol related articles either (honest), I came across the following: Niche Beers. As a bloke, having a beer with a meal is pretty normal to me, but a beer that contains fennel with a seafood dish is just wrong. So, if ever your in Padstow and find yourself dining in one of Rick Stein’s seafood restaurant’s, have a bottle of Chalky’s Bite…

I was listening to the Christian O’Connell breakfast show this morning on the way to work and they were debating “Who you would invite to your ideal Christmas Dinner?” Read more…